Last year I had a student who was visiting my home for Hindi & English subject tuitions. He was such a pain in my mind. Highly disturbing, mocking and abusive natured. His parents were of different categories too. Father too damn polite and his mother was like “not my son’s fault”. All relatives, neighbors, shop keepers, teachers, principal, bus-mates and classmates were after her son’s life according to her as she told me several times. Despite of heavy fees his parents were ready to pay I refused to take him as a student after few days. No it was not kid’s behavior it was his continuous abusing on own parents. In front of me and over phone.
My kiddos bus mate boy again a single child had a super confusing mother. She used to stand on bus stand to fight the bus conductor and driver continuously for giving extra space to his beloved son who used to carry two school bags every day for some weird reasons. If some kiddo visits their home he was forced to play according to the annoying rules of this bus mate boy. And his mother was always in complaining mode that somehow nobody likes his son and whole world is jealous because her son is getting great marks. Kid was highly abusive and mother as well.
We are going to discuss further in this article that where is the basic problem lies and how to explain ourselves that how can our kids can be more responsible and happy heart in the life?
1- Parental reputation – Let your kid/kids be worry about how his/their parents(you n your spouse) are going to feel about him/them? Anything bad they say or do shall not be ignored. Do not give them idea that you do not need explanation at all. Stop talking for a while instead of feeling happy, joyful, joking or even punishing them harshly. Just stop talking for a while. Let them take first step towards using their own mind that their reputation with you is affected by doing that kind of bad behavior. Keep explaining them that you will not lie in front of others for them.
2- Social reputation – Since early childhood we need to give ideas to our kids that they need to share, gel up and not to hold useless grudges with people around in or outside blood relations. Their table manners, talking manners or discussing arguments is parents responsibility. Strangers walking in the road are not going to teach our kids about this. We need to tell them that world is not their own property. We need to share it with others and sharing things, emotions and good behavior-will bring them good reputation as well as they are going to be less stressed too.
3- Scholastic/ Educational reputation – Gun violence in the school or misbehave with school administration/classmates is totally out of control and very common now a days. We the parents are responsible for this nobody else. We have no time for explaining kids that well behaved kids are always welcomed by teachers to discuss things in between. The moment we backbite about other kids, parents or teachers/management our kids start bullying others in the school too.More ignorant you are to not to explain to your kids about a teacher’s hard working life or school cleaners tough job more they are going to create problems for all in the school with less marks in their report card. Let them be quite and eager to learn kind of kid rather than being more chaotic for the school.
4- Financial reputation – Give budget, discuss their savings and explain about hardships of earning money. I am rich and you can buy Earth is the worst thing to tell them as well as we can not buy as we are chopping our stomach to buy house also bad thing to tell kids. Let them enjoy saving money and learn about being in control of over expenditures. Buying each thing on demand is very harmful too. Set few goals and help them in achieving them too. Let them earn that thing from you. My co-sister in law buy things when she returns from the parent – teachers meeting without having any single complaint.
5- Diplomatically correct reputation – The moment we tell our kid “you the best and above all”, we are doing a very wrong cord of their heart n mind. Trust me. Let them know very well before you submit them to an institution of knowledge or even a simple neighborhood playground that they are not alone on this Earth. They are all humans from this Earth. They need to mingle with others in good way without trying to rule others. Kids shall know that others have their feelings and rejections too.
The moment we abuse teachers, neighbors, classmates, friends, relatives and know ones, our kids start learning fast that they can abuse others, backbite about known ones and can complain for useless things to get loads of attention immediately. They learn their first social behavior from us the parents.
Explaining kids about being diplomatic to compromise and being agreed to small issues can save lot of time, stress and depression later. Tell them agreeing to others little demands can get them good reputation of a good kid. It works when any big conflict is there people will be choosing him/her as a leader because he/her gels up with other demands easily and is a good listener too.
We are the first mentor for our kids. Isn’t it? So let us not blame if our kid is giving us depression or stress. It is us who are basically responsible for their behavior outside the world.