Shocked? Yes! Be shocked and be surprised too in the coming sentences.But yes this post is not related to those who live with parents or filthy riches.This post is basically for those women who are crossing 30 plus, not married or married but not ready to give birth. My sincere advice.Please don’t do that and I do have solid reasons for that.
1- Your own body – Your whole body is going through a new process of developing something and taking several kinds of pains now baby birth happens and again if you are working you have to struggle very hard to get back in shape. Or if you are a housewife again your whole world of eating and drinking changes within 9 months. You body is perfect 23-24-25 years to do the child birth but the moment you cross 28 years your own body is not ready for so many changes and finally it is you who is going to face all kind of major hormonal changes.Not a single person can help you.
2- Mental balances – At much younger age you are ready to adopt so many changes because you are in stages of learning. But first you get married after 28 years, already struggling to adopt new family traditions and food habits than baby happens too. Now you are in new family, having a new person in tummy and eating what is advised by doctor.Every single things requires a great balance.Listening to this, doing that and thinking something else. Your job needs attention, husband needs love and care, new family wishes to keep you around a lot but parents want everything about you to know too. Now imagine yourself how much a single person is answerable to in one single day. Yes I have not included your own hormonal changes, mood swings, body related problems and wardrobes till now.
3- Responsibility – Yup! It is not a pair of shoulders you have to share the responsibility.Not a single person in world is going to help you if you are sleeping in night and new born baby starts crying.You are a mother and it is your duty to feed the baby. Until and unless you have a devoted nanny like Royal or rich families.Giving birth to a baby is much easier task when you are much younger because your parents and in laws are ready to help you. They feel like kids are out of college and not experienced. But the moment girl crosses 28 years plus age they also start living comfortable life and same happens with boys parents too.New baby information can only excites them but parents actually start aging and feel like “Oh now a days every thing comes ready made, go n buy”.But yes mothers love and care is your part. Pregnancy follows a strict diet routine, self care for nine months, pre delivery hormonal changes than post pregnancy mental challenges. You will sit in bed and all world stands around you with face towards the other directions.
4- Calculate the time – Like our own mothers, we actually don’t have any kind of upbringing without televisions or internet. In those old times everything was almost pure. We are from a different kind of world with pollution and adulterated food.So when you give birth at the age of 28 plus years by the time your baby is a grown up kids in 7th or 8th and need to be in serious studies you will be around 42 years, tired with job routine or house chores.You will find difficult to get out of the bed early morning at 4 o clock to get your kid study before exams at 7.30 am.And yes again the point of responsibility pops in.As still in Indian families majority believes in mother’s part in studies. So if you are planning to give birth at 35 years think again. It is not a matter of giving or not giving birth. It is a matter of how much responsibility you can carry and what your kid will go through if you will not be able to do according to his demands.
5- Generation gap – I am 42 years and I am not able to check several things my son is learning day by day in the world of internet.One moment he is on pinterest searching for chemistry salts and by the evening he is completing a paper gun he learnt from youtube.com.It is a different kind of multitasking generation because their knowledge area as well as learning area is bigger than ours. They have a different world where they know that who is actually real master of cooking and it is not Gordon Ramsay.They know well that what is the basic difference between Xbox and PS4.
6- Demand and supply – It is kind of cheating on baby by giving him birth after a certain age. Kids with younger parents are always more active and get continuous companionship what much older parents are not able to give actually. Until and unless you the mother is ready to leave your lucrative job and giving full time to kids. Being mother is a full time job. It demands every single moment attention. Now a days when houseboys or nursery teachers are molesting small babies even it makes mother’s life more tougher. Parenting needs mother’s full time 24 hours and every single second of those 24 hours. We have more bullying kids around to misbehave with classmates and neighbors kids because either parents are working and not ready to pay attention or they have deep up bringing insecurities. In house you will not realize it but if you are over aged parents and your kid go out to find that a much younger parent is cycling with his kid, your kid will come back home very frustrated.
7- Pampering and expenses – To conceal the age gap, lack of time and coordination with kids demand it is maximum time over aged parents who pamper their kids beyond the limits. This all makes a social pressure on other kids of society who’s parents are much younger and going through job settlements or life settlements like house loans or car loans. So by getting a baby in over age category means people are creating unknown competition and fearful atmosphere amongst the kids too unknowingly. Nobody knows it so deep but being a mother I know it very well when I see a very late born only child of super rich working parents getting Iphone6s but his parents are not ready to celebrate his birthday because they are traveling for official purposes. So you should be ready for this deep thought that you want kid and when.
8- Male’s frustrations – Husband’s are maximum time managing household bills, office routines as well as parents care too. Lot many time boys get separated immediately after marriages because of wives and the moment baby comes they get separated from wives too. Physically they are there always but not emotionally they are there.They are counting the expenses, facing job problems and going through physical changes too. As the girl they got married is now super moody and not the same girl they got married. Young boys get benefits because young girls recover fast and with the help of family they create a hollow around them being young innocent mother. But older girls feel much more difficulties being into new family, without much support from boys family lot many times and own parents are now quite old too to take much stress. Finally now it is boy’s turn to feel the heat of being a massively burden person of the family.Because he is coming back to home without much attention towards him and a list of immediate requirements everyday. Baby’s medical treatments and wife’s diet. Not so easy but yes it only creates a big vacuum in relationships day by day. Every single day there is a new frustration for him. Younger boys being father get more support from fathers and in laws too.
9- Educational acceptances – Yup having kids at younger ages means kids learn along with their parents. Falls, rises, promotions and sacrifices. But settled and over aged parents usually have their set mindsets being experienced and this is how the kids also grew up with set mentality.This creates a basic conflict with their social counterparts. Kids with younger parents see these kids as more complicated and more political ones. Kids with mature upbringing have usual tendency to bully those kids with younger parents upbringing and are not ready to accept their facts. For example mature parents kids come with a mindset that this kind of way gets more marks but much younger parents are always open to new kind of education system or tactics. even lot many parents enroll themselves with educational programs to upgrade them too. Over aged parents and working parents are less interested in attending ptms too. While younger aged parents have more tendency to attend the meetings. They are always more eager to accept the faults of the kids. So lot many times it is stress with comes as extra baggage to poor teachers.
10- Planned calculations – You need to calculate few things to finalize your family structure as early as you can. i.e.,
1- Your age at the time of child birth v/s your age at your kids graduation.
2- Your own physical risk factor for child birth related complications as just in case anything happens and you need minimum 2-4 years for treatments.
3- Your parental support as well as in laws support availability at the time of child birth.
4- Your financial capabilities to spend in heavily expensive child birth complication treatments if you are planning a kid after 30+ years.
5- Your own physical and psychological capabilities.I am simplifying things for you by writing this article. If you are not ready to understand the basic Indian social structure that is actually basic requirement for a child birth than no body in this whole world can help you later.
6- Calculate the age gap you wish to keep in between two kids. If you are giving birth at or after 30 years than what age gap you can best give?You may end up with a lonely child because you will feel that it is a very tiring and time consuming liability. So if you plan pregnancy after 22 years to 28 years in between you will be having a balanced family of two kids and that too very happily.
Lot many Indian marriage systems allow t get married to close blood related cousins which makes things more complicated. And also please don’t go to people sayings that God will take care. Bringing a baby after 28-30 years of age is actually torturing yourself, coming years of dense parenting and putting growing up kid’s mental health in risk too by pampering for what you are not able to give him as much younger parent.
I urge you to read this article two times to understand that what I am trying to say actually. And also don’t go by those medical researches and advertisements that a women at 40 years gave birth to own child. We all are equal. We all will leave this planet one day. So if you are planning for a late birth please adopt a kid for a much better health and life rather than taking on several health complications and spending money uselessly.
All the best!
Image courtesy – Mr. Google